With all my heart I wanted my post Olympic trials blog to be the happiest blog I’ve penned so far this year. It won’t be. But it won’t be a sad blog either, so no need to pass the tissue.

If you’re on this site, you probably follow track enough to know I won’t be making the trip to London.  And this reality has set in for a few weeks now.

It sucks and it stings.

In fact in the days immediately following trials I got so many Olympic emails from the COC and Athletics Canada that I wanted to pick up the phone, find a public defender and see how quickly I could send cease and desist orders!

Really?!….but I digress.

I never saw myself not being on this Olympic team, frankly in twelve years I’ve never not qualified for a major championship and the pride of representing my country.

It feels unusual, surreal and it’s a great disappointment.

As much as this is a personal challenge for me, I know it’s also a fact of life. Shit happens. Yes, more than once; even more than twice.

I’ve always known you don’t accomplish all you set out to do in this sport, but it’s never made me afraid to try. It has never made me second guess getting back up after every knock down or putting the frailty of being human on display for all to see.

I signed up for this and it’s still the time of my life, therefore I choose to accept everything that happens during this formidable chapter in it.

I don’t believe in luck. Good or bad. But I do believe in something John Wooden once said:

“Things work out best for those who make the best of the way things work out.”

I wont ever be an Olympic Champion and that sucks, because I have worked my ass off to become one for decades. I believed in the Olympic ideal so much, that I read it’s poetic manifesto aloud from an Athenian balcony for all to hear.

I’ve dreamed the biggest dream imaginable for myself, and I’ve had the sweetest honor humanly possible in pursing it. Yes it’s broken my heart into a million pieces, but funny it has also been the glue that could put it back together again.

Thankfully there have been many high points, moments of  absolute triumph and glee that had me so giddy I thought I would burst. I would trade a thousand disappointments, no question, for one moment like this.

This journey has showed me who I am, and who I always want to be: me. In victory and even more so in defeat.  Races don’t define me, but attitude does. I choose to be positive, I choose to be happy and I choose to move forward.

Thanks to everyone who has reached out. It’s been a pleasure to know I haven’t been taking this walk alone. Some of the messages I’ve received, especially from young girls and moms has made me cry tears of gratitude. Thank you for sharing.

***Now, before my tears short circuit my keyboard or worse yet, shock me, I’m wrapping this up.

Thank you for reading! Now let’s cheer on Team Canada!!